The Thoughts of the Partially-Insane #4: If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it (x2)

For the record, I love my parents (at least, I think they’re my parents. They haven’t shown me any ID and they insist on using aliases like “Mum” and “Dad”). I would do anything to make them proud, but that doesn’t give them the right to make requests whenever they want. I am not a DJ…

Thanks to first-rate parenting, divine guidance and loose regulations governing teenage drinking, I’ve managed to drag my sorry carcass into its 20th year of life (unfortunately, I dropped my brain somewhere around the 5th year mark and I’m too lazy to go retrieve it). Before now, I was the last-born, only son, apple of my mother’s eye, spoilt till I cried sour-milk and shielded so much I may as well have been born in a Kevlar plant. Now I’m at the big 2-0 a lot has changed. The most noticeable change is my mother’s sudden interest in my “love-life” (still yet to be discovered, but we have our top scientists working on it. They’re aiming to land a woman on Cero before the year 2030). More specifically, the issue of marriage… and (**cringe**) offspring...

The Thoughts of the Partially-Insane #3: Rumor has it (ruuuumor)

Firstly, allow me to introduce myself:

I am an egotistical, narcissistic, neurotic, acrimonious, downright despicable, sorry excuse for a human being. People who know me would say differently, and they’re dears for saying so, but I’ve spent enough time reflecting on the sketchy paper-mâché model that is my life to understand a little bit about who (or what) I am. In so doing, I’ve developed an acute sense of self-loathing. Given the chance, I’d spit on my own grave.

The Thoughts of the Partially-Insane #2: It's just emotion taking me over

Yeah, rrriiiiggghhht….

So my first output on (TTotPI #1) was given a good reception, even though certain familial parties have chosen to leave me to enjoy the perks of eternal suffering by myself. I feel so loved…. It’s been exam season, so I’ve had little inspiration for writing anything of sense. But I guess that’s the point. If I had any sense you wouldn’t be reading this piece. I really wasn’t sure what to write about in this edition, but then someone asked me the 64 million dollar question one day,

“Cero, what the hell goes on in your head?”

The Thoughts of the Partially-Insane #1: What if God was one of us (nana nana na)

Now, if you know me, I'm not the most religious person on the planet. But that doesn't mean I don't believe there is a God. It's just I find it funny how so many people keep putting the guy on this impossibly high pedestal and end up blaming him for their problems at the end of the day because they expect too much from him. I mean he made us in his image right? Then give the guy a break! He's got 6 billion kids to worry about simultaneously!

On that front, I began to put God in the light of the average man (slash woman depending on whether you're a nit-picky a feminist or not, no offence to the actual hardworking, ball-busting feminists out there). I thought about how the common guy would have handled being Jesus Christ's father, especially since another family was raising him: